What I Have Learned

I am into my 11th year of working in the divorce recovery ministry at my church. Surely in those last ten years I have learned a few things. I have; and here are a few of them.

1. God loves us. He wants the best for us. He wants to have a close personal relationship with us. He hurts when we hurt. He invented marriage and intended it to last forever.
2. Satan does not love us. He wants to destroy us. He wants our lives to be full of confusion and bitterness. If we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, he hates us even more. Satan hates God and all those who love God. Satan wants to destroy marriages because a failed relationship makes us question what we believe.
3. God does work miracles. He can restore troubled relationships. He will NOT do it by force. Both parties have to be willing to submit to God and each other.
4. In divorce you get custody of yourself.
5. Life will never be the same. You are who you are as a result of the experiences you’ve been through.
6. You must forgive. Start with yourself. Your marriage failed. You had a part in that failure. It may have been a small part or a big part. You are 100% responsible for your part only, even if it was saying “I Do” when you knew something wasn’t right. Forgiveness requires action. There is no time limit, but it has to be your goal.
7. Never forget. If we don’t learn from our mistakes we will never grow.
8. “Someone new” is NOT the answer! Someday you may be ready for a new relationship, but not until you are healed from the old one. Do not get involved with someone else until you are strong enough to live alone and be content.
9. You can’t heal your children’s hurt. You can love them, hold them, listen to their troubles and tell them you wish things could be different. Their pain is their own, and they must deal with it in their own way.
10. Dare to dream again. Ask God to open your eyes and your heart to what He has for you. Look for the small blessings He gives you every day, and thank Him for them. Divorce is an opportunity to begin a new life. You are no longer responsible for the happiness of your spouse (not that you ever were). Embrace the life you have always wanted. You are single again. You make the decisions for your future. Trust God enough to experience the best He has for you.